When you feel shame do you know what the signs are? If you don't then today I am going to tell you what are the signs of shame in a person is and how to recover from shame and guilt. Now let's get started with today's post.
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What Are The Signs Of Shame?
Some people might experience different emotions when they are feeling shame about something. They might experience emotions like:
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Sad
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Frustration
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Frighten
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Lonely
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Beaten - not physically beaten but mentally beaten
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Tired
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Lazy
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Bored
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Empty
Do you know what toxic shame is?
The Whole World Is Resting On Their Shoulders
They might feel like the whole world is on their shoulders and they have to worry about the whole world. Whatever happens, they are responsible for everyone. Trust me I felt like that before and it's not a good feeling.
Something Is Weighing Them Down
Maybe something might metaphorically weigh them down like a stack of bricks on their chest or perhaps an elephant. Just maybe a big pair of dumbbells.
The Invisible Truce Flag
Maybe that person is holding up an invisible truce flag and telling the world they have given up. I know I was waving one of those when my spring semester in college became impossible.
Leave Me Alone Look
Have you ever seen someone who had that look on their face that basically says leave me alone or else? Maybe it came with an eye roll as well. That person may not want to talk to anyone or be around people.
Maybe they just want to be in a quiet place where no one can find them.
The Unstoppable Negative Self Talk
I have to admit I have been guilty of doing this as well where I am like Woe is me, or why did this happen to me? It's easy to beat ourselves up because we are our own critics. It's bad enough that someone else might think bad about us, so don't beat yourself up.
If you find someone in one of these moods they might bring up their past that they regret or stuff that they can't do in life.
The Loss Of Motivation
Sometimes we all lose motivation. Some people might not want to do anything and just lay around or lay in bed all day. They may feel a loss of interest in their job, reading books, video games, or hanging out with friends and family.
Did you know that shame is also known as the silent killer of relationships?
So What Causes Feelings Of Shame?
Many things can cause shame here are some good examples. Something that you regret in the past like fights with friends and family or extended family members. Secrets that you might be hiding from everyone around you. Maybe you broke something and you cleaned it up before someone noticed it.
You told a lot of little light lies so you don't hurt someone's feelings and you feel bad about it. Maybe you told a lie in school to act cool so no one judged you for who you are.
What's The Difference Between Shame And Guilt?
My own definition of shame is something that you feel like it's wrong to do, and you don't tell anyone about it.
Guilt is when you did something or to someone and never apologized for it.
How To Recover From Shame And Guilt?
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Forgive yourself - tell yourself you are human and you make mistakes
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Tell yourself that you are not like the person you were years ago
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Apologize to everyone who was affected - the people who you apologize to who see you as a different person will forgive you, however, some might still hold grudges
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If some still hold it against you - you don't need them in your life and time to burn the bridge
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Listen to a motivational speaker on a podcast or a Ted Talk video - Tony Robbins or Rachel Hollis
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Talk to a licensed therapist - psychologist or psychiatrist
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Write in a journal - gratitude, bullet, or a feeling journal.
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Listen to music - upbeat and rock n roll music may help
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Martial Arts have a lot of benefits - my instructors keep me motivated, their voices in my head tell me to give everything 110% and nothing less. The punching bags are a great way to let out all my feelings on the mat
Is Shame An Emotion?
Shame is an emotion just like happy, sad, angry and tired. However, shame is internal meaning that you feel it on the inside. It doesn't always show on the outside but sometimes it varies that it can show on people's faces but varies by the person.
What Does Shame Feel Like?
Shame can be different for many different people. Some people may describe it like this.
Your Body Feels Cold On The Inside
Your internal temperature might be cold to the bone.
Your Body May Feel Sleep Deprived
Even though you got a good night's sleep the night before, you may wake up feeling deprived because you feel ashamed about something
Something Heavy Is Weighing You Down
Perhaps there is an invisible elephant, a pile of bricks or a big heavy set of dumbbells laying on your chest.
You Feel Super Stressed Out
You feel stressed out by everything little thing that comes your way. It doesn't matter how big or small the task is everything is just stressing you out.
The World Is Resting On Your Shoulders
The world's problems are resting on your shoulder and you feel the burden of carrying it. Everyone's problems, concerns, and the environment. It all depends on you.
What Can Shame Do To A Person?
Feeling ashamed can have a lot of consequences on your overall health and feelings. But it can also affect other things as well.
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It uses a lot of emotional energy
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You can lose friends because you put distance between each other
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You could lose your family members by distancing away from them
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You could lose your job because you can't get out of bed or house
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You could lose your house because you can't pay your bills on time
Autism And Shame Can Go Hand In Hand
I would be lying if I said that I have never felt shame as an Autistic person. I have felt shame when I had meltdowns in elementary school through middle school. During those years I was so hard on myself because I knew it wasn’t the right way to behave.
Looking back at those shameful years of me acting out, I believe I was trying to get people to pay attention to me. Not the self-center kind of attention, but the attention of my principals who didn’t think bullying existed in the school. At least my 7th-grade teacher who was also my 8th-grade teacher believed me. My guidance counselor believed me as well.
It has taken me many years to forgive myself for the way I acted out. The one thing that helped me to get over feeling shame was apologizing to those who were affected by my meltdowns around me. Some people forgave me, while others didn’t want anything to do with me. In their eyes, I am still that person that gave them a hard year's ago. But at least I tried to mend the damage.
What Does Shame Look Like With Autism?
Shame can look different in everyone even those who have Autism. My signs of shame looked like this:
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Heads down to the ground
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Lost for words
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Worried that everyone is mad at me
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Replaying what happened in my brain multiple times
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Scared of the consequences
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Afraid I am going to get yelled at
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Heart beating fast
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Thoughts racing in my head
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I start apologizing over and over again until people get tired of me saying it
Shame is a very nasty feeling and I hate when I feel that way.
Conclusion:
Everyone has felt shame before and it's not a good feeling to have. It can hurt your mental and emotional health. As well as hurt the relationships with friends and family members around you. If that is not enough it can also make you lose your job and your house.
When we start getting these feelings it's okay to ask for help by going to see a licensed therapist or taking karate classes. We just can't let it beat us so we continue to live our lives and enjoy life.
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