Growing Up Together: Autism and Siblings Unite With Annie Treml

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Voidware prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and

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conditions apply. Welcome to another episode

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of Crazy Fitness Guys Healthy Living Podcast.

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I got my friend, Annie, who's going to talk about,

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well, I'm just going to let her introduce herself

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because why not? Welcome aboard, Annie. Thank

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you. Thank you, Jimmy. A little bit about myself.

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So my name is Annie Trammell. I'm a family support

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strategist. I help families, parents and siblings

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of children with disabilities to feel a connection

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amid the chaos and to make sure everyone's needs

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get met without adding more to their plate. I

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tend to focus mostly on behaviors within the

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family to help the family calm that chaos and

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create that connection. So how come you wanted

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to go into this career? Well, I've made a long

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meandering journey to get to the point where

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I am today. It started with me being the eldest

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sibling of a person with a disability. I'm the

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oldest of five. Then comes another sister and

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a sister after that, my sister Dubes, who has

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autism and intellectual disability. And then

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I have two brothers after that. So growing up

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within a family with disability, obviously kind

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of led me towards what ended up being my first

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career, which was as a school psychologist. So

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I worked with students in public schools and

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then went on to own a private practice. And now

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I support families through coaching. I can definitely

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relate. A little. I mean, I can relate because

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I'm on the autism spectrum, as you know. And

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I can also relate because I had multiple jobs

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before what I'm, I mean, not full time, but they

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were part time. And I can tell you, I did not

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like any of them. Until this one. Like what you're

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doing now, though? Yeah. Yeah. That's all that

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matters, right? Yeah, like the other ones, my

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dad's like, but you were getting paid consistently.

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Yeah, money doesn't make me happy. Go ahead.

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Yeah, it can sure make life easier, but it doesn't

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make me happy. Well, and that's what it's all

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about, right? I think we all go through a lot

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of different, I mean, I think it's not uncommon.

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I don't want to say everyone because that would

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be generalizing, but I think it is really more

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common for people to. try a number of things

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before they find what's important to them, what

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they would do for no money, right? Yeah. And

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what I'm kind of curious about, and I don't think

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I could ask my brother this, and if I did, I

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probably might not like his answer. I don't know.

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I don't know his opinion. He's really... busy

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with his job as an accountant for me to even

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ask but what is it like being an older brother

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I mean old sister to someone who's something

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on autistic spectrum because I'm the youngest

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of my I'm the youngest in my family, and my brother's

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the oldest. There's only the two of us growing

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up, and I kind of wonder if I made his life miserable

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as hell. Well, so there's two parts to this.

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One is that I... understand why you say you wouldn't

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ask your brother because yes, siblings, it doesn't

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matter what kind of siblings, right? Disability,

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no disability. Your job is to drive each other

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crazy. And siblings are so good at that. I know

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that was true in my family. I feel like they

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drove me crazy, but I have a sinking feeling

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they would say the same thing about me. That

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being said, I think being the older sister to

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a person with disability, man, there was a lot

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of mixed feelings there. I felt so. protective

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of my sister. And I felt such warmth toward my

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sister because of all the things that she worked

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through, struggled through, all the things she

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achieved with everything that she was dealing

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with. I also had those days where, for instance,

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my sister absolutely perseverated on MTV and

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loved it. So if you even tried to change the

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channel when I was a kid from MTV to anything

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else, it was a big deal. You know, those kinds

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of things made me cranky like they would any

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sibling, like, man, give me control of the TV.

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Can't you ever just take a break? On the other

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hand, there was some deeper resentments and jealousies

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too. You know, she got a lot of attention. She

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had a lot of needs and that makes sense, right?

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We had to make sure she got to the doctor and

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I would never as a sibling have asked for anything

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different. I wanted her to be well, but I think

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that balance of power, that was really tough

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as a sibling. So it was weird. You know, day

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to day, you on one hand, you absolutely love,

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love, love, love your sibling. And you feel close

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to them and you feel like you're their protector,

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their interpreter, their their caregiver. And

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on the other hand, sometimes that stuff got old

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and you got mad at them and you just wanted to

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be their sibling and yell and fight and scream.

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Sometimes that wasn't OK. So, you know, there

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was there's a huge balance there. I think it's

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more complicated than a typical sibling relationship.

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And, uh, did you ever, uh, ever find that, um,

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did you ever feel like, like, let's say you had

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friends over at the house and did you ever felt

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embarrassed that you're related to this person

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and you didn't want them hanging out with your

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friends and whatnot? You know, I never had that

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experience. I really didn't. I was never embarrassed.

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I was, like I said, I was more. I was proud.

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I was a protector. It was more that occasionally

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people would make ignorant comments or use ignorant

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wording and phrases. And in that case, you would

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see me kind of rise up. And I was a pretty mild

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child. I was very introverted. I didn't like

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to speak up. But if you said something about

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my sister, you would see my chest rise up, my

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shoulders come back, and I would tell you exactly

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what I thought and why you were misinformed.

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So I was never embarrassed. It never bothered

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me. I do remember a time when some young girls,

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I was probably 10 and my sister's probably eight.

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Some young girls from down the street, a couple

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came down to ask actually my sister to play,

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which never happened because she was limited

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verbally and socially. So she didn't have a lot

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of friends who came over, but these girls came

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over to play. And I remember. seeing my mom talking

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to them at the front door. And I was very excited

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for my sister because this just didn't happen.

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And I remember my mom sent the girls away and

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I asked her why that happened. And her response

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was, her response, I can't tell you exactly what

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she said because I don't remember, but I'll tell

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you the gist of what she said. Her response was,

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we have to be really careful about who spends

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their time with Abby, who's my sister. Sometimes

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their intentions are not. as positive as we think.

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And sometimes being young, they don't necessarily

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know how to interact with her best. And so she

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turned them away. And I remember being floored

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by this because as a kid, I was very much feeling

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like she would be very excited like this, like

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any kid would when someone came to play. But

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that really opened my eyes to how complicated

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the situation was and to how difficult it must

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be to be the parent and caregiver of a child.

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I know my mom wanted her to have those relationships,

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but her fear that something would go wrong was

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stronger than that want for her. And so it didn't

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happen. So it's crazy. So, I mean, like my relationships

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with friends didn't change, but I always found

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it's so complicated for her to have those relationships.

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I can definitely relate to that. Growing up in

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this school, I didn't know how to make friends,

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but yet somehow. i made friends anyway uh like

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to be honest i don't remember how i knew my friendship

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started with people i mean i remember my next

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door neighbor uh we uh uh how we made friendships

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he literally we were moving in uh to our house

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they were there way before us and uh and we were

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moving from new jersey to pennsylvania and our

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pennsylvania house we were just moving in uh

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kind of just taking a look around the house he's

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going up the stairs he just walks into the front

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door and say hey my name is so -and -so and i

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was like this is strange i mean been friends

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since uh yeah we've been since friends since

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i moved into pennsylvania and uh and then my

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uh one friend my other friend uh i've been friends

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with him since like third grade and i was like

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I don't even know how it all began. I think that's

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awesome. And, you know, I, I don't know about

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you, but it really makes it easier for me to

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make friends when someone else does the job of

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the dirty job of introducing themselves first.

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Yep. Probably. That's how I went about that too.

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That's awesome though. Yeah. And I have, I have

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long friendships that started very much the same

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way. And, uh, have you, um, So did you ever treat

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your sister differently because she was autistic?

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Yeah. I mean, I think there's no doubt that in

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many ways, my relationship with her was different

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than my relationship with my other typically

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developing siblings. There's no doubt about it.

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There are certainly some of the same things.

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I mean, we fight like other siblings do. Even

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as adults, we still get on each other's nerves

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sometimes, you know, just like any siblings would.

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Your personalities, you know, you have very specific

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personalities, just like any two people. And

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sometimes they don't always match. But, you know,

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I do feel like we all took more care with my

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sister Dubes just because, you know, physically

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she required more care. You know, she couldn't

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do a lot of the same things. that we could do

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all the time. Sometimes there was medical things

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going on or whatnot. And I think just mentally,

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we gave her a little more breathing room because

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we knew that her capacity to cope with certain

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things that bothered her, it was smaller. So

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we had to give her more space to be okay, to

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be happy. We were fine with that because we grew

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up with that. That's how, you know. That's something

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that from the very beginning, we knew she needed

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as an individual person. So it never struck us

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as different until I think I know for me, when

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you get into that teen years and you start to

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see other people's families, that's the first

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time, you know, I'd visit other friends' houses

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and go out of my own house. Then I would see

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the difference between a family with disabilities

00:12:09.159 --> 00:12:12.299
within the house and a family without. That's

00:12:12.299 --> 00:12:13.879
the first time I kind of started making those

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connections. Oh, there is some differences. Before

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that, it never occurred to me that my house was

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any different than anybody else's. Well, I don't

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know. I don't know how my brother found out or

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maybe my parents told him, but he always just

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treated me like any other brother would, just

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drive my life miserable, just drive me into crazy

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and crazy. I know it wasn't just all fighting

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back and forth, but it was like we just always

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got on each other's nerves, no matter what we

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did. Like I would play. video game. I want to

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play video games. He's on their computer for

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homework. And it's like, I want to freaking play

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video games. And it's like, I'm doing homework.

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Screw your homework. It's like two brother siblings.

00:13:01.419 --> 00:13:04.879
Yeah. But it's so funny is I mean, that sibling

00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:07.759
relationship, right? That's, we never realized

00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:10.299
it. But that is the longest relationship most

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of us will have in our lives is with a sibling.

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They know us from birth to death. You know, we

00:13:16.049 --> 00:13:17.950
get a shorter time with our parents. We get a

00:13:17.950 --> 00:13:19.610
shorter time with our friends, but our siblings

00:13:19.610 --> 00:13:22.450
are with us the whole time. So, I mean, it's

00:13:22.450 --> 00:13:24.350
a good thing that we can accept each other, the

00:13:24.350 --> 00:13:26.690
good and the bad, hopefully. Right. Cause it's

00:13:26.690 --> 00:13:29.210
a long haul. It's a long relationship. Yeah.

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I could be like my, I can't even say this story,

00:13:32.289 --> 00:13:35.509
but it's like my dad and one of his siblings

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that they don't no longer, they don't even talk

00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:43.490
to each other. Yeah. Which is sad. I'm not going

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to say why, because that's not my story to tell.

00:13:47.610 --> 00:13:50.009
That's a whole nother bullet of that's extra

00:13:50.009 --> 00:13:54.169
crazy. But you know what? I think it's not uncommon

00:13:54.169 --> 00:13:56.289
in families with disabilities. I think if we

00:13:56.289 --> 00:13:58.610
have siblings who continue to talk to each other

00:13:58.610 --> 00:14:00.250
into adulthood and have a good relationship,

00:14:00.409 --> 00:14:03.549
I think oftentimes it's actually rarer. A lot

00:14:03.549 --> 00:14:05.889
of the families I work with, when you get into

00:14:05.889 --> 00:14:08.850
adulthood, those siblings. They become further

00:14:08.850 --> 00:14:11.629
apart. They separate more because there was resentment

00:14:11.629 --> 00:14:14.110
and jealousy in childhood that was never really

00:14:14.110 --> 00:14:17.830
dealt with. Right. Yeah. Well, I think my, for

00:14:17.830 --> 00:14:21.950
my parents, they always, they gave both of me

00:14:21.950 --> 00:14:26.950
and my, me and my brother equal attention. They

00:14:26.950 --> 00:14:30.509
always treat us equally. They didn't like, oh,

00:14:30.549 --> 00:14:33.929
Jimmy gets to do this extra because yeah, so

00:14:33.929 --> 00:14:38.789
-and -so there. They treat us pretty much literally

00:14:38.789 --> 00:14:47.049
the same. For whatever reason, my parents...

00:14:48.429 --> 00:14:50.250
like they always wanted us to get good grades

00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:53.610
obviously in school and that they did not accept

00:14:53.610 --> 00:14:56.950
anything lower than a b if you guys see you're

00:14:56.950 --> 00:15:00.389
grounded and what's really funny now that i'm

00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:02.889
in college it's like oh you just need a c to

00:15:02.889 --> 00:15:09.370
pass and i was like what changed this is not

00:15:09.370 --> 00:15:12.730
right well it sounds like your parents did a

00:15:12.730 --> 00:15:16.889
wonderful job um they're far from perfect but

00:15:16.889 --> 00:15:20.549
uh Don't tell them that. Don't tell them that.

00:15:20.610 --> 00:15:21.950
I'm telling everybody. They're probably going

00:15:21.950 --> 00:15:25.210
to listen to this and find you're grounded. I'm

00:15:25.210 --> 00:15:30.029
27 years old. You're still grounded. Oh, always

00:15:30.029 --> 00:15:31.909
our parents. They're always our parents. Doesn't

00:15:31.909 --> 00:15:34.029
matter how old we get, huh? Yeah, that's for

00:15:34.029 --> 00:15:41.710
sure. So when you help out these families, do

00:15:41.710 --> 00:15:46.019
you ever, is it? Is it a struggle with helping

00:15:46.019 --> 00:15:50.840
them out? I mean, it's my joy. It's my joy to

00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:53.720
help families. It's what I love to do, which

00:15:53.720 --> 00:15:56.039
is why I do it. But is it hard sometimes? Yeah.

00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:59.740
I mean, it's hard to see families struggle. And

00:15:59.740 --> 00:16:02.940
it's hard when those struggles are not something

00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:05.940
that can change. In a lot of typically developing

00:16:05.940 --> 00:16:09.159
families. It's often comes down to choices and

00:16:09.159 --> 00:16:11.240
you can change something drastically with a simple

00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:14.039
choice. But in a family with disabilities within

00:16:14.039 --> 00:16:16.580
the family, a lot of things can't change, right?

00:16:16.740 --> 00:16:18.840
They are what they are. And there's things we

00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:21.500
have to do and things we have to deal with and

00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:23.960
decisions we have to make that we really have

00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:26.980
fewer choices about. So I think that's sometimes

00:16:26.980 --> 00:16:30.360
hard for families to come to realization and

00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:33.480
to grips with. And it's hard for me because I

00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:35.559
want to help them. But some things are just the

00:16:35.559 --> 00:16:42.519
way they are. And if you so could you share a

00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:46.759
little bit of like not to get into super specific

00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:49.659
details, but can you share some of those challenges?

00:16:50.299 --> 00:16:52.559
Well, I think a lot of the challenges I see with

00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:56.500
families is that there's not there's a there's

00:16:56.500 --> 00:16:58.100
three things that generally aren't in place.

00:16:58.100 --> 00:17:00.620
The families are really struggling. That is,

00:17:00.620 --> 00:17:03.440
there's not boundaries in place. Oftentimes.

00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:06.319
people in the family are giving, giving, giving

00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:09.059
to each other and not giving to themselves. So

00:17:09.059 --> 00:17:11.339
they can't maintain a balance of wellness for

00:17:11.339 --> 00:17:14.640
themselves. There's also self -advocacy, right?

00:17:14.740 --> 00:17:18.019
When we are in families that need our support,

00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:21.160
oftentimes we're not sure how to balance. advocating

00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:23.700
for ourself and our need and advocating for someone

00:17:23.700 --> 00:17:25.519
else's needs. We don't know how to balance those

00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:27.539
two to keep us well. And then the last thing

00:17:27.539 --> 00:17:29.259
is a circle of support. And that's probably the

00:17:29.259 --> 00:17:32.039
most important thing in any family, frankly,

00:17:32.220 --> 00:17:34.200
but particularly in families with disabilities

00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:38.700
where we need more support and where we're apt

00:17:38.700 --> 00:17:41.339
to run into medical issues or other things that

00:17:41.339 --> 00:17:45.500
kind of throw everything into chaos. We need

00:17:45.500 --> 00:17:48.450
a plan so that When those things are thrown into

00:17:48.450 --> 00:17:50.470
chaos, we already know how to get the help we

00:17:50.470 --> 00:17:52.930
need or things are already in place so that it

00:17:52.930 --> 00:17:56.589
feels more routine. It doesn't feel so bothersome,

00:17:56.589 --> 00:18:00.029
so frightening, and it doesn't throw us into

00:18:00.029 --> 00:18:04.789
a tailspin, into chaos. So I'd say, you know,

00:18:04.789 --> 00:18:06.730
boundary self -advocacy and creating that circle

00:18:06.730 --> 00:18:09.009
of support are what most families need to get

00:18:09.009 --> 00:18:15.369
kind of back on track. To be honest with you,

00:18:15.450 --> 00:18:20.690
when we had to reschedule, honestly, I didn't

00:18:20.690 --> 00:18:24.829
know that the people that was coming to clean

00:18:24.829 --> 00:18:28.809
my house a few weeks ago were coming. And it

00:18:28.809 --> 00:18:33.670
kind of threw me for a loop because they don't

00:18:33.670 --> 00:18:37.190
come since we are literally set up every other

00:18:37.190 --> 00:18:41.599
week. they come at different times. And so then

00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:43.759
one week they might come at one o 'clock, they

00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:46.160
might come at two o 'clock, today they come at

00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:50.819
three o 'clock. And I still don't like when stuff

00:18:50.819 --> 00:18:54.160
is not consistent. And that's why basically the

00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:57.720
days when I have my podcast interviews, I always

00:18:57.720 --> 00:19:02.019
set them up, is it an hour either at two o 'clock

00:19:02.019 --> 00:19:06.630
and so on. And so I was like. Same time, same

00:19:06.630 --> 00:19:12.490
place. And I'm free. That routine helps you,

00:19:12.549 --> 00:19:15.730
right? You're relying on it. Yeah. I don't blame

00:19:15.730 --> 00:19:19.170
you. That would set me off too. So basically

00:19:19.170 --> 00:19:21.369
when we had the schedule, I was just kind of

00:19:21.369 --> 00:19:24.630
like, my whole afternoon was just done for a

00:19:24.630 --> 00:19:26.829
loop. And I was like, okay, where am I going

00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:29.930
to go? But like today I knew that they were coming,

00:19:30.009 --> 00:19:32.730
but I was like. I'm going to use the third floor

00:19:32.730 --> 00:19:38.170
today because it's quiet. There's a door. But

00:19:38.170 --> 00:19:41.529
that's the thing. You are just reinforcing what

00:19:41.529 --> 00:19:44.390
I just said. Essentially, right? Because you

00:19:44.390 --> 00:19:46.730
had a plan. You had an alternative plan for if

00:19:46.730 --> 00:19:49.049
something happened. You had supports in case

00:19:49.049 --> 00:19:51.869
something kind of threw your routine off, something

00:19:51.869 --> 00:19:54.430
in place. You have a third floor available to

00:19:54.430 --> 00:19:56.410
you, even if you don't like to use that, right?

00:19:56.829 --> 00:19:59.609
It's there. So you're doing exactly what you

00:19:59.609 --> 00:20:02.779
need to support yourself. That's a nice third

00:20:02.779 --> 00:20:08.940
floor. I like my bedroom. And my dad said I could

00:20:08.940 --> 00:20:11.920
use his office, but where I wanted to be, I wanted

00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:15.180
to be on the highest floor as possible. So when

00:20:15.180 --> 00:20:18.079
they're using a vacuum, it's not going over the

00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:22.420
floor above me. It's like, this is lovely for

00:20:22.420 --> 00:20:27.039
a podcast. Awesome. Good idea. Here's some background,

00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:30.970
soothing background noise. Well, that's a good

00:20:30.970 --> 00:20:34.630
way to think about it. I like that. I might put

00:20:34.630 --> 00:20:37.289
that in the next episode. Soothing cleaning noise.

00:20:38.150 --> 00:20:44.049
Just one episode of cleaning noise. You never

00:20:44.049 --> 00:20:45.809
know. There's probably an audience for that.

00:20:46.670 --> 00:20:50.970
Yeah, probably not my audience. They're probably

00:20:50.970 --> 00:20:53.569
like, what is wrong with this person? Is it broke?

00:20:53.750 --> 00:20:57.950
Hello? I don't hear any talking. i'm pretty sure

00:20:57.950 --> 00:21:00.029
they'd tune in for you even if it was vacuum

00:21:00.029 --> 00:21:03.910
noise no i probably wouldn't tune in for myself

00:21:03.910 --> 00:21:11.430
uh but um so do you have your own website and

00:21:11.430 --> 00:21:14.630
everything for you i do i do thanks for asking

00:21:14.630 --> 00:21:18.359
you can find me at annietremel .com Or you can

00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:20.720
find me at Annie Trammell Connects on Facebook

00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:22.940
and DM me directly if you're interested in talking.

00:21:23.079 --> 00:21:26.160
I reply to all those messages and I would love

00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:29.720
to talk to special needs families. And do you

00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:34.660
do stuff virtually or do you just do locally

00:21:34.660 --> 00:21:37.759
or whatnot? I do work virtually. I work online

00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:41.000
with families and there's multiple ways I work

00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:44.140
with families, but I always start online and

00:21:44.140 --> 00:21:46.539
by speaking with the parent of the special needs

00:21:46.539 --> 00:21:53.460
family. And just out of curiosity, how many people

00:21:53.460 --> 00:21:57.720
do you help out, unless you want to say? At any

00:21:57.720 --> 00:22:01.000
given time? Yeah. I can work with up to about

00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:03.779
three to four families at any given time, depending

00:22:03.779 --> 00:22:06.359
on how in -depth the work that we're going into

00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:13.099
and what we're doing. And so how many years have

00:22:13.099 --> 00:22:15.910
you been doing this for? Well, working with special

00:22:15.910 --> 00:22:18.609
needs families, it's been a long time. I don't

00:22:18.609 --> 00:22:22.509
want to age myself, but, you know, I worked as

00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:25.730
a school psychologist for 16 years working with

00:22:25.730 --> 00:22:28.589
disability families, both publicly and privately.

00:22:28.809 --> 00:22:31.650
And I've been doing coaching for a little under

00:22:31.650 --> 00:22:33.529
a year now, specifically with families. So we're

00:22:33.529 --> 00:22:37.150
talking close to 17 years. Well, again, I can't

00:22:37.150 --> 00:22:40.710
do the math in my head. I wouldn't ask you to.

00:22:41.210 --> 00:22:44.490
You don't look old at all. Well, thank you. That's

00:22:44.490 --> 00:22:47.930
sweet of you to say. I'm old. I feel old because

00:22:47.930 --> 00:22:52.210
I have a lower back problem and I blame my old

00:22:52.210 --> 00:22:55.690
insurance company. I'm not going to say their

00:22:55.690 --> 00:22:58.269
names. I would love to. That's probably a good

00:22:58.269 --> 00:23:03.750
idea. You know, maybe I should start using a

00:23:03.750 --> 00:23:08.190
cane just to annoy them. I don't know. We got

00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:14.880
to do what we got to do. Thank you, Nancy. Well,

00:23:14.980 --> 00:23:17.259
it's because I see a lot of specialty doctors,

00:23:17.400 --> 00:23:24.019
and for my physical therapy for my knee, because

00:23:24.019 --> 00:23:27.259
I did something to my knee. I can't even tell

00:23:27.259 --> 00:23:29.559
you what I did to it. I didn't bang anything

00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:33.079
in it, but what my physical therapist told me,

00:23:33.180 --> 00:23:36.559
and I was about to find a new one now because

00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:41.380
of my new insurance. He said that my hip bone

00:23:41.380 --> 00:23:48.819
is slightly more at more than a 90 -degree angle,

00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:53.440
like a regular hip or hip joint or whatever.

00:23:53.859 --> 00:24:01.279
I'm not a scientist, and I'm not a doctor. Basically,

00:24:02.039 --> 00:24:07.400
because I have two inward -pointing knees, really

00:24:07.400 --> 00:24:10.819
wants to correct it and it tries its best but

00:24:10.819 --> 00:24:15.440
it knows they can't do it so you're kind of just

00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:18.500
so every time when i do a lunge i'm literally

00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:20.859
off balance and putting too much pressure on

00:24:20.859 --> 00:24:25.299
it yeah it sounds like everything's maybe out

00:24:25.299 --> 00:24:29.039
of line yeah and which would be painful Yeah.

00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:31.480
And I think maybe when I was doing a lunge in

00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:35.059
karate, I kind of just like toppled over. And

00:24:35.059 --> 00:24:38.640
so then I kind of, I don't know, I wouldn't say

00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:41.359
sprained it, but maybe twisted something in there.

00:24:41.619 --> 00:24:45.859
I can't exactly tell you. It happened at like

00:24:45.859 --> 00:24:49.319
sometime when this whole pen before the pandemic

00:24:49.319 --> 00:24:54.920
started. And then I, and I would say really painful.

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:57.900
It just kind of. I just let it go because I was

00:24:57.900 --> 00:25:00.279
just like, oh, maybe it's got better by itself.

00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:02.940
But then near the end of the semester, I was

00:25:02.940 --> 00:25:05.200
kind of just getting tired of last semester.

00:25:05.220 --> 00:25:08.339
I was just getting tired of it all. And I was

00:25:08.339 --> 00:25:10.680
like, yeah, I'm going to start looking into this.

00:25:12.819 --> 00:25:17.519
How am I supposed to know? No, you don't surprise

00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:19.619
me at all. I know way too many people, including

00:25:19.619 --> 00:25:21.880
myself, who just say, oh, it'll get better. It'll

00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:24.200
get better until we're in pain. And then we're

00:25:24.200 --> 00:25:27.730
like, uh -oh. What did I do to myself? And I

00:25:27.730 --> 00:25:30.670
kid you not, I was literally two weeks. I felt

00:25:30.670 --> 00:25:34.509
like I only needed two more weeks with the physical

00:25:34.509 --> 00:25:37.789
therapist and the insurance is like, we're cutting

00:25:37.789 --> 00:25:40.609
you off. And I'm like, I pay you X amount of

00:25:40.609 --> 00:25:43.390
dollars and you might stick your nose out of

00:25:43.390 --> 00:25:46.869
my own business, please. I didn't say that to

00:25:46.869 --> 00:25:49.910
them, but I wanted to. Insurance companies are

00:25:49.910 --> 00:25:56.680
a pain in our side, that's for sure. Or the other

00:25:56.680 --> 00:26:01.960
one. Or the other one. Can't say that. It's implied.

00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:07.000
That's right. And no, to all the people listening,

00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:15.200
I did not say the curse word. But anyway, before

00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:28.380
we wrap up, would you What do you think is the

00:26:28.380 --> 00:26:34.380
best way for people to help a person on the autism

00:26:34.380 --> 00:26:38.559
spectrum in their own family? I think, you know,

00:26:38.579 --> 00:26:40.420
obviously every family is different, and I like

00:26:40.420 --> 00:26:42.900
to customize my recommendations for families.

00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:46.240
But in general, I say, you know, if you're living

00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:48.660
with someone with autism, particularly a child

00:26:48.660 --> 00:26:51.160
with autism, which is what I kind of work with,

00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:55.480
I say, make sure you're not isolated. That's

00:26:55.480 --> 00:26:57.980
my biggest tip. We have a tend to isolate ourselves

00:26:57.980 --> 00:27:01.880
when things get stressful. Often many people

00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:03.839
with autism, as you know, isolate themselves.

00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:08.200
And then we find that families tend to follow

00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:10.920
suit because you're under so much stress. You're

00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:13.440
not sure where to turn to for support. And you

00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:16.240
don't want people to worry about you. So you

00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:18.779
tell everybody, I'm fine. Things are fine. Everything's

00:27:18.779 --> 00:27:20.799
good. But the last thing you should do is be

00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:23.799
isolating yourself. If you're needing support,

00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:25.920
if things are not going well, and if you're not

00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:28.140
getting the answers that you need from other

00:27:28.140 --> 00:27:31.500
doctors or other people, continue to seek support.

00:27:31.859 --> 00:27:34.440
Ask your friends for help. Be honest in what

00:27:34.440 --> 00:27:39.940
you need. Ask kindly, ask often, and ask clearly.

00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:42.339
And you'd be amazed how often people are willing

00:27:42.339 --> 00:27:45.960
to help. And I kind of lied. I have one more

00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:49.480
question for you. I break my own rules on the

00:27:49.480 --> 00:27:59.460
show, whatever. Out of just curiosity, when you

00:27:59.460 --> 00:28:02.099
mean isolation, do you mean being in a separate

00:28:02.099 --> 00:28:06.500
room? Or do you mean just like, today I feel

00:28:06.500 --> 00:28:09.079
perfectly fine, but in the back of your mind

00:28:09.079 --> 00:28:13.759
is like, screw the world. I'm glad you asked

00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:16.319
for clarification. I'm thinking more of the second.

00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:19.519
So more of what you said regarding sometimes

00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:21.359
you just feel like the weight of the world's

00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:23.220
on your shoulders, whether you have a disability

00:28:23.220 --> 00:28:26.460
or not. And because so few people understand

00:28:26.460 --> 00:28:29.019
disabilities, we tend not to share what's happening

00:28:29.019 --> 00:28:31.420
in our families because it makes people uncomfortable.

00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:33.849
They don't know what to do. They don't know how

00:28:33.849 --> 00:28:36.069
to help us. So we tend to isolate ourselves a

00:28:36.069 --> 00:28:38.069
little and pretend it's all fine. But that kind

00:28:38.069 --> 00:28:40.269
of stress builds up. You know, it doesn't go

00:28:40.269 --> 00:28:42.190
away. It just adds and adds and adds on top of

00:28:42.190 --> 00:28:44.710
each other. So and we end up isolating ourselves

00:28:44.710 --> 00:28:47.630
and letting everyone think we're OK. And I guess

00:28:47.630 --> 00:28:50.470
what I'm saying is, is don't do that. Let people

00:28:50.470 --> 00:28:52.170
know when you're struggling. Let people know

00:28:52.170 --> 00:28:54.029
when people in your family are struggling and

00:28:54.029 --> 00:28:56.569
let them know, you know, clearly, kindly and

00:28:56.569 --> 00:28:59.109
quickly what they need to do and can do to help

00:28:59.109 --> 00:29:01.430
you, because they may not know how to help you.

00:29:01.450 --> 00:29:03.259
So they don't ask. But if you tell them what

00:29:03.259 --> 00:29:05.160
you need, there are so many people, I think we

00:29:05.160 --> 00:29:07.480
know that, right? Really good people who want

00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:09.480
to help us if we just tell them what we need.

00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:15.940
And yeah, we got one more question. Go ahead.

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:25.500
I just said that again. I was just thinking,

00:29:25.619 --> 00:29:31.630
so for me, I know, I know there's some days where

00:29:31.630 --> 00:29:37.890
I kind of just, I get so kind of, I'd say, just

00:29:37.890 --> 00:29:40.710
having like so many different thoughts going

00:29:40.710 --> 00:29:44.950
on in my head. And I just, I kind of felt, I

00:29:44.950 --> 00:29:47.730
kind of do feel like sometimes I carry the world

00:29:47.730 --> 00:29:50.490
on my shoulders. And I'm not saying like, oh,

00:29:50.509 --> 00:29:53.250
I'm just holding up the world and here's me.

00:29:53.670 --> 00:29:59.309
But I feel like sometimes, how does someone,

00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.039
like get that weight off of their shoulders because

00:30:03.039 --> 00:30:06.579
i know for me running a whole website by myself

00:30:06.579 --> 00:30:09.559
it's kind of daunting some days where i was like

00:30:09.559 --> 00:30:13.460
gee i'm one person and it's like can i and it's

00:30:13.460 --> 00:30:16.259
like be nice if i had extra hands but i know

00:30:16.259 --> 00:30:17.839
that's not going to happen anytime soon at the

00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:20.640
moment but no i totally get what you're saying

00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:23.000
i think you know and i wouldn't be surprised

00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:27.279
if you do what a lot of people do which is hide

00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:29.640
that how hard that is for you sometimes do you

00:30:29.640 --> 00:30:32.599
do that i wouldn't say i hide it i'm more of

00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:38.319
like i get quiet and my my mom basically knows

00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:42.079
when i'm like always talkative i'm in a relatively

00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:46.160
good mood but when i kind of shut shut my thoughts

00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:50.599
up in a box in my head or i'm like really just

00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:54.880
ticked off or grumbling to myself uh i tend to

00:30:54.880 --> 00:30:58.869
she figured out and I was like, you sound in

00:30:58.869 --> 00:31:01.609
a bad mood. And it's like, gee, what was the

00:31:01.609 --> 00:31:05.109
first clue? She knows when you're overwhelmed.

00:31:05.430 --> 00:31:08.009
And my guess being that she's your mom and you've

00:31:08.009 --> 00:31:10.829
talked about her a bit in this podcast is that

00:31:10.829 --> 00:31:12.710
she does what she knows how to do to help you.

00:31:12.910 --> 00:31:17.910
Right. Unfortunately, most people don't know

00:31:17.910 --> 00:31:20.690
us that well. So my guess, my thought to you

00:31:20.690 --> 00:31:22.269
kind of goes back to what I just said before,

00:31:22.369 --> 00:31:25.099
which is. When you notice those things about

00:31:25.099 --> 00:31:26.759
you, when you're feeling the weight of the world

00:31:26.759 --> 00:31:29.279
on your shoulders, when you need help, whether

00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:32.980
that's simply people helping draw that information

00:31:32.980 --> 00:31:36.000
out of you, or you need help doing actual things,

00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:37.839
maybe in your business or with your website.

00:31:38.319 --> 00:31:43.420
Again, I encourage you to stop, to breathe, and

00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:46.079
to remember that just because you're struggling

00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:48.400
doesn't mean everyone knows it. You need to tell

00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:50.940
people exactly what they can do to help you quickly,

00:31:51.099 --> 00:31:55.769
kindly, and often. And if you do that, you start

00:31:55.769 --> 00:31:57.930
to create a pattern with people. They'll begin

00:31:57.930 --> 00:32:00.009
to see those cues in you and they'll know when

00:32:00.009 --> 00:32:03.190
to ask you for help as well. And you'd be amazed

00:32:03.190 --> 00:32:05.609
how often people are happy to do these very small

00:32:05.609 --> 00:32:08.809
things to take that burden off of you. And many

00:32:08.809 --> 00:32:11.450
times, it's in areas where they happen to be

00:32:11.450 --> 00:32:13.309
really good at something. Like if you know someone

00:32:13.309 --> 00:32:15.150
who's great with your website, even if you're

00:32:15.150 --> 00:32:17.750
not, for instance, that person could take two

00:32:17.750 --> 00:32:20.250
minutes to do that, happy to help you with something

00:32:20.250 --> 00:32:22.140
that might have... really been weighing on you

00:32:22.140 --> 00:32:24.299
and would have taken you a lot longer yeah that's

00:32:24.299 --> 00:32:27.299
kind of like one of my uh friends who's a uh

00:32:27.299 --> 00:32:31.779
developer and uh it's amazing the stuff that

00:32:31.779 --> 00:32:35.579
he does like what would take me probably a few

00:32:35.579 --> 00:32:38.740
days to figure out he's like oh let me get that

00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:42.819
done for you and he literally it's like five

00:32:42.819 --> 00:32:45.680
minutes for him and it's like You make me look

00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:49.500
bad. I took a beginning kind of class and it's

00:32:49.500 --> 00:32:51.380
like, oh, this is not beginning. I was like,

00:32:51.420 --> 00:32:54.359
definitely it's not beginner, but still, it's

00:32:54.359 --> 00:32:56.619
like, you make me look bad. Well, and I can relate

00:32:56.619 --> 00:32:58.559
to the website stuff because that's not my area

00:32:58.559 --> 00:33:01.559
either. And I can tell you myself that when I

00:33:01.559 --> 00:33:03.880
have someone else do that stuff, that weight

00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:05.880
lifts off my shoulders. I automatically feel

00:33:05.880 --> 00:33:08.619
a lot better because. It's just not a weight

00:33:08.619 --> 00:33:10.460
that was meant to be on my shoulders. And sometimes

00:33:10.460 --> 00:33:12.819
we forget that we can give our burdens to others

00:33:12.819 --> 00:33:16.140
and it's not burdens to them. I think the one

00:33:16.140 --> 00:33:18.980
thing that kind of burdens me at times, it's

00:33:18.980 --> 00:33:23.160
just some of the companies that I use for scheduling

00:33:23.160 --> 00:33:31.019
stuff, when stuff doesn't work the way that it's

00:33:31.019 --> 00:33:35.319
set up to work, and then there's a hiccup in

00:33:35.319 --> 00:33:37.829
their system, it kind of just... It's annoying

00:33:37.829 --> 00:33:43.109
to me because then you literally send a message

00:33:43.109 --> 00:33:46.250
to support and they can literally get back to

00:33:46.250 --> 00:33:50.829
you who knows when. And I love some of the companies

00:33:50.829 --> 00:33:53.390
who just take advantage of the pandemic. And

00:33:53.390 --> 00:33:58.650
it's like, well, due to high volume and everything,

00:33:58.950 --> 00:34:04.769
we'll get back to you whenever. Thank you. Am

00:34:04.769 --> 00:34:08.849
I talking to customer service at Comcast? Sorry,

00:34:09.050 --> 00:34:13.710
I said that. I feel your pain, Jimmy. I feel

00:34:13.710 --> 00:34:18.469
your pain. Yeah. Hello, this is Comcast. They

00:34:18.469 --> 00:34:25.510
might as well just play Jeopardy music. Sometimes

00:34:25.510 --> 00:34:30.179
they do. They might as well. Well, thanks for

00:34:30.179 --> 00:34:34.360
being on the show. And I'll leave all your links

00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:38.860
in the show notes. And let's stay in touch. That

00:34:38.860 --> 00:34:40.639
sounds great. Thanks so much, Jimmy. Thank you

00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:43.599
for having me. It was a pleasure. Thanks again.

00:34:58.710 --> 00:35:03.389
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